AN ARTIST, A FRIEND, A TESTAMENT

i hated post-impressionism, and more specifically, i hated vincent van gogh before i went to paris  i couldn't make sense of his swirly lines and cotton candy colors.

i remember going into the musée d'orsay in paris, after learning so much about his paintings, and looking through brand new eyes at the beauty he painted. and through these new eyes, vincent van gogh became more than just one of my favorite artists, he became my friend.

i researched his life, and every new thing i learned made me more and more sad for what he had to go through. he was afflicted by mental illness and depression, very poor, and was mocked for the things he did and the way he acted. now he was not a perfect man, but the fact that he only sold one painting in his lifetime, and died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound, virtually unknown, tugged my heart down.

he would go into fits that would make him delusional and crazy.  he cut off part of his own ear, and ran after a guy with a knife.  models refused to work with him. so he painted himself. and he painted the night, "i often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day."

we always learned of artists who painted what they saw, and with van gogh's swirling lines and impossible movements, it seems that van gogh made up what he painted, but he was painting what he saw, what he knew.  he was painted what he saw in his mind.

"to me van gogh is the finest painter of them all. certainly the most popular, great painter of all time. the most beloved, his command of color most magnificent. he transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world, no one had ever done it before. perhaps no one ever will again."

and as ridiculous as it might seem, van gogh became my friend.  the more i learn about his life and art, the more my heart grows. i think it's maybe because his life is a testament to me.

it's a testament because i know what he must now know.  his final words were, "la tristesse durera toujours," or "the sadness will last forever." his life is a testament to me of the power of the gospel because i know he now knows that the sadness does not last forever. his life is an example to me of struggles that a person might have to carry into the next life with them, but through God, they will be overcome.  here is a man who knew he was sick. he knew what was wrong with him, and he did everything he knew to make himself happier, but it didn't work for him in this life. and even though he was not able to make his own life more beautiful, he made the world more beautiful, and i hope in my times of struggle, whether great like his, or small, i will be able to impact the world like he did.

and in a simple thing like a favorite artist, a testament of Christ comes, as these testaments can be found in everything, if we simply choose to look. la tristesse ne durera pas toujours.