it was unreal. in the movie, there is a man so great and omniscient that he is praised as a god. he has so much money and wealth, and his imagination is just as colorful and beautiful. this man throws these extravagant parties and is young and beautiful (I do have to admit, I have always been a little disappointed about how leo has aged, but throughout the movie I caught glimpses of jack dawson, which made me love Gatsby even more). he would seem to be the man that everyone wanted to be.
but the great Jay Gatsby is lonely. he is alone and lonely. he is stuck in the past, in love with the stunning daisy, convinced that she only loved him as well, that she was stuck in the past as well. he spent the next five years of his life becoming grossly wealthy and throwing the most extravagant parties in hopes that she would come to one of them. and in the end, he dies and she runs away with her husband that she doesn't love anymore (I have this theory that I may have talked about before that f. scott fitzgerald is a complete and total sad, sick, and twisted little man, but that's a story for another day). it's not pretty or lovely or the things made of dreams as everyone imagined.
so this movie made me think of 2 different things. inspiration and waiting.
waiting. a couple of years ago I ran into this quote.
"why don't you tell me that 'if the girl had been worth having, she'd have waited for you?' no, sir, the girl really worth having won't wait for anybody" -f. scott fitzgerald
and then that became my motto. I could never let myself wait. I couldn't wait for someone to pay attention to me, or for him to realize that I was right here the whole time. I couldn't wait, because then I wouldn't be worth having.
let's take Gatsby as our example again- he waited for the girl for 5 years, but she didn't wait for him. it ruined him. he was so convinced that she had and it ruined him.
but then I find myself waiting.
inspiration. if you haven't noticed, this blog has been a little boring lately. I've been running dry on inspiration.
where do we get inspiration from?
is it the words that you read that are so heartbreaking and beautiful that they make you want to write too?
is it when he grabs your hand for a split second, and you heartbeat rockets uncontrollably, even though you've been trying to get rid of that feeling for weeks?
is it missing someone?
in spite of everything that has been going on around me, I have not been able to find anything worth writing about even though I have a million thoughts in my head. until today. today I was inspired- as silly as it sounds- by the hope of Jay Gatsby.
he said that Gatsby restored his ability to hope. he had never seen anyone so hopeful in his entire life, convinced until his death that daisy really did love him and only him, even on his last breath. Gatsby's whole beautiful life was built around this hope.
so don't wait and have hope- two very contradictory things that might ruin us in the end, but the wonder of it all may be what pushes us through.
because even though he was a cynic, fitzgerald also wrote, "I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”
and anyone who can write words like that has to have hope.
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