a (real good) little list.

 p.p.s. i just remembered that when i was nine, i could not say california correctly for the life of me. i would always say caleeeforneeeuh. guess i watched The Mask of Zorro one too many times...

day one: story of my life

day one: describe your life in 250 words or less

I like to describe myself as a southern belle (basically I’m a lady) and an old soul (I really really want to be one of those people that other people meet and are like, “she has an old soul”).

I grew up in a small-ish town in the south, and would return there in a heartbeat. In fact, I do plan to return there and will raise my cute little babies there when I have them.

I had an original life plan to become a famous fashion designer (a girl could dream, right?) but then traded that dream last summer.

I’m studying psychology to hopefully one day work in women’s shelters or for non-profits that raise awareness of child sex trafficking in the U.S.

I laugh at all of my own jokes because I always manage to crack myself up.

I love to write, but I have only told about 3 people. I never share what I write because 1. I’m not that great, and 2. My writing means everything to me, so if I share it with you, you gotta be reeeeally special.

I love tv shows and breakfast foods, anything sparkly, kittens and bunnies, and brown peanut m&m’s.

I have really grandma-ish habits, am a total bookie, and can’t open up any kind of packaged item to save my life.

And maybe sometimes I like to imagine I still will be a famous fashion designer.

Oh, and I snort when I laugh and have to pee almost every hour (I have the bladder of a baby goat).

f i v e

one::
i am deathly terrified of sharks. as in, just writing this and thinking about them makes me see them in my mind and it's terrifying. someone says the word sharks or talks about them, i see them. and i get anxious and nervous and this one time i saw a picture of a shark on the weather home page and started crying. i can't handle it.

coolest thing i've done #1.

two::
i cheat. in board/ card games that is...i'm not even ashamed of it. if you want to win, you cheat. i just think of it this way- i'm witty and clever and sneaky enough to get away with it most of the time. plus, it's a huge adrenaline rush if you're good at it. cause i am. (years of practice) and i hate to say it, but it runs in the family- you do not want to play games with my cousins and me. everyone cheats.

three::
i have three things that i think are/would be the most terribly romantic things in the world. the first would be if i got a bag of all brown peanut m&m's. brown peanut m&m's are the best and i always pick them out of the bag. the second- mixed tapes. i'm talkin old school (ok, CD is fine because let's be honest, no one has a tape player anymore). and the last thing is when you see a boy brush hair out of a girl's face. it's so sweet and, like i said, terribly romantic. i know, i'm cheesy.

four::
once upon a time, i had a whole life plan. we're talking 10 years, heck 20+ years all planned out. i was going to be a fashion designer in NYC. i had this plan to be world famous and revolutionize the fashion industry to be modest, or at least accept modesty. haha i was ambitious. still going strong on the big dreams, they've just done a complete 360.

the other coolest thing i've ever done. that's about it.

five::
when i get stressed i tend to get ocd. my bedroom and apartment have to be clean or else i will just leave. i also have to have all of the silverware heads up in the dishwasher and sometimes i can't walk on the cracks in the sidewalk. i've got the rhythm down- two steps, three steps, two steps, three steps.... at least it's not that bad.

a story

written February 2013

sometimes in order to really get to know a person and the reason they are who they are now, you have to understand where they came from. 

This is a story of a little girl with a splattering of freckles and eyes the color of a cold sea. She was only 17 years old and had the whole world at her fingertips, but she didn’t even know it. She had one of those faces that rarely smiled, but when she did, she had the kind of smile that said, “You don’t know me, and you never will.” And she was happy. At least she tried to be.

She tried to stay as anonymous as she could in high school. She was only in it to get out. Sure, she had friends, but not the kind she wanted. Most of them were fair-weather, and she was alright with that. Her really good friends she never got to see because of the busyness of peoples’ lives. But no one is really alright without any real friends. And one time she thought she got really lucky. She made a friend and they were inseparable. This little girl had walls of steel built around her heart, but the secret was that it only took one blow to bring them all down. Once she finally felt like she could trust someone, she gave them everything she could; her trust, her secrets, and the things she made with her own hands.

She believed the best of her friend. She believed that her friend was looking out for her the same way that she was looking out for her friend. She thought this new friend was always looking out for her, but she was wrong. She was very, very wrong.

The little girl loved her friend even though it was very hard because she believed it was hard for anyone to love her at all. And she loved her friend because she felt like she could never repay her friend for all she had done for her. Her friend had gotten her a job, hung out with her when no one else would, and made her feel like she wasn’t doing everything on her own anymore, and the little girl thought she owed her friend so much.

And the little girl and her friend were happy. They laughed and laughed. They went on adventures and had inside jokes. They loved the same things, and got by alright. Until the little girl started learning about the things that her friend was saying behind her back to her coworkers and even to the parents of the children that they watched. And then the little girl’s friend started telling the little girl that certain people didn’t like her. Her friend told her all these mean things to her face. She didn’t even try to hide it.

And then the little girl found herself apologizing to her friend all of the time for things she hadn’t even done because that was the only way her friend would talk to her. And the little girl was very, very sad, but she didn’t even realize it because she wanted to stay friends with her friend, and for some reason she felt like it was her fault, and she would remember all of the really good times they had had. But it was not her fault. And the little girl got sick every weekend from all of her hurt. And the little girl started pushing everyone else away; she wasn’t able to love other people very well anymore. And the little girl forgot all about her other really good friends that she didn’t see every day. And the little girl couldn’t really get away from this bad friend because they worked together, had school together, and saw each other every day.

It wasn’t until that summer when the little girl started spending more time with her other true friends when she realized how much she missed them. She missed them terribly. She realized that she was missing the happiness that used to be in her life. And she realized that no matter how hard she tried, some people are mean. And no matter how hard she tried to love someone, some people are incapable of loving back. But she also learned that these people need love the most, but it’s also important if you see someone drowning to not let them drag you down with them.

The little girl got out of that bad, bad place. And she made some new friends. All of these friends were just as scared as her; just as terrified of this new place they were going to spend their lives. And thanks to a merciful and loving Father, the little girl’s capacity to love grew at least three times that day. And the little girl still loved her friend, but she decided to no longer let people walk all over her because manners and politeness cost nothing. And the little girl was happy. She was still a little guarded and broken, but she was fixing, and she was inconceivably happy.

details

likes:

orange juice

unicorns

animals on clothes

books, books, books

cuddling
peonies

taylor swift

purple

Nashville

getting packages

Franklin

quotes

words, words, words

secrets

Christmas

sparkles

home

late night talks

laughing until you hurt

Fun.

Charlie Brown

You've Got Mail

10 Things I Hate About You

grandmas

beautiful things

typewriters

that old book smell

fireflies

brown peanut m&m's

french

acoustic versions of songs

snuggly blankets

sisters

brothers

handwritten letters

getting flowers

sad songs

winter clothes

forever 21

kittens

tv shows

slightly inappropriate jokes

thunderstorms

the South

Les Miserables

hats

creating things

dislikes:

waking up early

cold hands & feet

people who leave

John Mayer 

it's true.

that summer

In the hot stickiness of July in the South I learned what it was like to have angels all around you. It was a summer of first times and last chances. A summer of miracles.

I was at a meeting for being a youth camp leader. Apprehensive and scared, I had never done this before. I didn't really know what to do. My leader said a prayer before we started the practice run for our faith walk. We never realized how much of a walk of faith that it would really be. Her prayer was different than any one I had ever heard before. She asked for angels. Angels to protect us. We all wondered why we would need them.

With 20 girls and 3 leaders, we went out to the 14 ft-high deck. We all stood there, trying to feel the spirit when the sound of a million little snapping twigs filled the air. Before we even could comprehend what was going on, the floor under us collapsed. The next thing I knew, we were falling the 14 feet to the ground, rolling on top of each other in the pitch black night. After the first initial terrified screams of 20 girls, it was silent. Eerily silent.

I remember my mom running to the back of the house, standing next to the ledge that used to be connected to the fallen deck, and the desperation and sheer terror in my mind as I was trying to hold on to a post, a bench, anything.

One by one, we untangled ourselves from the mass of broken wood and bodies. We stepped back and surveyed the skeletal remains of what used to be called a deck- sending prayers of gratitude because no one was dead, but too numb to realize what had just happened.

We didn't really know what to do as we watched the paramedics and firemen and stayed up late waiting for news about our friends who got hurt.

I think the greatest miracle was when we were told the details about this freak accident. The deck rested on a hill, and if it had fallen backwards, we would have been dead. The deck would have flipped down the hill, causing girls to fly on top of each other, under the wood. We got lucky, the fireman said. The deck fell towards the house because of some unbeknownst reason. They had no reason why it did that, but we did. It was the angels.

Later that summer, at the same camp, there was a storm. We hurried to a central location and watched as the angry clouds swirled around us. We looked up to see a break in the clouds, sun shining down in a circle around where we all stood, keeping us safe.

Later that night we needed it not to rain- we heard the rain, we saw the rain, but we did not feel the rain.

That summer I saw 3 miracles. They still burn in the back of my mind, 4 years later. They are there as a reminder of unity, of love, and of His never-ending presence and protection that I know He gives those who follow Him and love Him.