TWENTY TWO

i sometimes get the feeling that birthdays may be a better time to make goals than new years. they are a time of reflection as i get older. my twenty-first year was one strewn with confusion and heartache, but it was also the best opportunity i’ve had for personal growth. this year was about me. it wasn't me and him or me and them, just me. i became unashamed of my lot in love or my decisions that i made because they made me happy and they made me, me.

so to continue the tradition from last year, here are twenty-two things from a twenty-two year old.

1//there's something so liberating about telling people what you really feel, and clinging to good memories and forgetting the bad ones. remember that one night? that was a good night, and those feelings i felt? there's no discounting them, and i learned. i felt things i had never felt before, and i will never be sorry for the love, the pain, the heartache, the tears.

2//i was sitting with one of my dear friends in the luxembourg gardens, and we were talking about some of our favorite memories. we were laughing and crying, and talking about how those memories that we were talking about were some of the dearest we have. that's what we hold on to, and she asked me if that moment we were having right there could be one of those memories. that is home. i want every day to be home.

3//crave relationships. not necessarily just the romantic kind, but the kind with people. all kinds of people. some of my greatest friends have been made when i have been willing to let my pride go and open up my heart. now my heart aches with joy whenever i get to see them, and that kind of love is priceless

4//natural, natural, natural. oh baby you are most beautiful natural

5//it is not stupid if it is important to you

6//knowledge is beautiful, but i cannot forget all kinds of knowledge. how to bake a cake. how to solve math equations. how to create something from a needle and thread. knowing and caring about those things is so essential.

7//many people will disappoint you simply due to the fact that you know they know better, however when i decided to remember that i also just need to love them, i realized that love is the answer to everything.

8//"now that you don't have to be perfect you can be good"

9//people who are unhappy will hate, but, as hard as it is, do not pay attention. they will leave you empty.

10//nothing i have is of my own doing. everything i think i do myself i owe largely to my family, friends, and ultimately Him who gave me everything.

11//introspective sensitivity, "it is the notion that some people feel emotions in a more physical way than others"

12//i am extraordinarily content with walking everywhere with my nose in a book. at first i was worried i was going to miss the world, but when i am reading i live every life.

13//journaling is one of the best things in the world.

14//part of letting something change you is living it afterwards

15//my story is about who God is, and what he can do with my stubborn, imperfect heart.

16//i have vivid memories of standing in front of my mirror, terrified of what was to come, and telling myself out-loud that i am a queen, and queens can do anything. every day it is a choice.

17//hats are an investment in the future. a good hat makes for a good life.

18//service is vital for happiness. the days i have been most happy have been full of gifts for other people.

19//i believe that there’s no point in having wealth unless you can share it with other people. and i’m not talking about monetary wealth; knowledge, talents, skills.

20//hardly anything works out exactly how you planned, but you are tough, really, really tough.

21//there are some things you cannot explain; a moment, feelings, the love. don’t try. holding on to them in your heart sometimes makes those moments mean even more.

i try and think of lessons i can share with you so i can mainly prove to myself that things are happening, time moves on and now, finally, so do i. with one thing left, i was trying to think of what i think is most important, one thing to remember if you don't remember anything else, and i can't help but repeat what i said on my birthday last year.

22// there will be many times when you think it's the end of the world as you know it; days when you feel like you have the weight of the whole world inside of you, but it's not and you don't. it's just an opportunity to start your world over again, to learn something, and to remember our Christ who is always there, and has been through everything you are going through. there have many times where the world has begun again for me, some times as many as seven times a week.