this one is for you//why i blog

i need to be more active in cultivating good things in my life. i need to progress, and part of my cultivating good things is writing about them here. to focus on the good, i need to write the bad out. and sometimes i will post them here, and sometimes i won't. i post my writings based on many different things. most of the time, i do it because maybe there is someone that it will help. it's probably just me.

this one is for you. and everything i just wrote is my round-about way of trying to explain what this means.

this isn't some sort of revenge for my old friend who abused my friendship to a degree that i had never known was possible. she told lies about me because they made her feel better. you were so mean.

this isn't for the first boy i thought i loved because he was my first real boy friend. you liked to get drunk at high school football games.

this isn't for the first boy i cared to know that i cared about him. letters and words didn't make you mine, and eventually they made you boring.

this isn't for the boy i met at an exciting time in my life. the boy who took me on my first real date and who i let play me like a puppet. you were a flake, and you were not worthy of me the second you made me your second (and third) choice.

this isn't for him. the first boy i really, really wanted. the boy who showed me that waiting for someone to love me was as pointless as waiting for snow in a tennessee july. he was so full of broken promises. you lied to me and still think i don't know.

this isn't for the boy. i didn't want to know him, you know. i didn't want him to sit by me. i didn't want to know his name, or for him to ever speak mine, but with some things i guess we don't have a choice. you said things that touched something inside of my heart. you and your pretty words. i knew you were trouble from the moment i saw you.

this isn't for the anonymous man who scared me and hurt me last summer. i found late nights and darkness bring out my biggest fears. i didn't have any dreams for you to haunt because you kept me up for weeks.

this is for the proverbial "you," my family and friends. anyone who decides they may want to listen. for you who maybe needs to hear what i have experienced; for you who may just need a good laugh.

i promise to never sugar-coat unless the sugar is already baked in.

thanks for reading.