SUMMER BALL

because why have a regular birthday party when you can have a summer ball? last weekend we had a reason to dress up and meet with good friends to talk, eat, and dance. i've been spending a lot of time with my paris friends lately, and it is almost like we are back, but even better than that, we don't need to be back, we just need to be together.

FETE NATIONALE

capitol hill in salt lake is quickly becoming one of my favorite places in utah. monday night we drove to salt lake and completely shredded our tire on the freeway. we were really blessed to be safe during the whole thing, and to have two boys in our car who knew how to change a tire in less than fifteen minutes on the side of the highway. we then celebrated our french independence because we are all delusional that we don't still live in paris. but friends that are crazy together, stick together, right?

NEW YEAR

i just wanted to try leaving to see if i'd come back. 

i don't want to spend that much time reflecting on the past year, but it was beautiful, wasn't it? 

if i've learned anything, it's that everything is about love. everything i do is because i love. i live what i believe, i share things, i learn things, and i am happy because i love. 

i was dreading coming back to provo this semester because it's not paris. and i'll be the first to admit it- provo is not my thing, but i've been given the greatest gift i could have ever been given from the second i stepped off that plane in salt lake city. 

i'm worried my heart just isn't big enough for the love that i have felt this past week. monday especially. i was able to be with all of my old roommates from freshman year. it's been four years since then. i randomly saw a total of fourteen people on monday who are so dear to my heart, and i have been seeing everyone else all week, not to mention seeing my caitie this past weekend.

we've all changed, but it's only made the love that we have for each other greater. 

oh how blessed i am. 

even though i may not be living in paris this year, i'm excited to see and know that truly, the best is yet to come. 

"and i asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep." -kurt vonnegut

THE OPPOSITE OF LONELINESS

(i apologize in advance for the over-use of commas because, as i have said many times before, i still don't know how to use them, and they are one of my favorite things to use)

about a year ago i found an essay called "the opposite of loneliness" by marina keegan. with a title like that, i had to read it. written by a girl who died tragically in a car crash five days after she graduated from yale, her words resonate in my mind every second that i am in paris. the opposite of loneliness. the opposite of loneliness. the opposite of loneliness...

"we don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, i could say that's what i want in life."

when people ask me what my favorite thing about paris is, i don't tell them a place or a food, i can only tell them, the people.

the feeling of togetherness, the love, the wholeness, the opposite of loneliness.

there is a camaraderie here. these people in my group, seventeen strangers thrown together, have become my best friends. they are my family in this foreign land. we have seen all sides of each other, we have laughed together, we have had hours of gospel conversation, we have told our secrets that we keep to ourselves because of how personal they are, and we know we will be loved no matter what.

we have experienced this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity together,we understand everything that we have been through and done here without having to say anything. and it's so hard to put into words what that means, but just know it is great. 

this is why they didn't go to italy. why she didn't go to london. why i got rejected four million times. to meet each other.

in keegan's essay, she describes it better than i ever could have,

"it's not quite love and it's not quite community; it's just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. who are on your team. when the check is paid and you stay at the table. when it's four a.m. and no one goes to bed. that night with the guitar. that night we can't remember. that time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. the hats."

i remember being afraid of coming to paris because i was worried that it wouldn't be everything that i dreamed it would, and thanks to my friends, this has been more than i ever thought it could be. every day is so full of pure joy. i don't think my little heart is big enough for all of this love.

there are so many people to thank here, but i owe it all to my fellow study abroaders. i have felt so unbelievably safe and loved every single day.

we don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but that's what i felt here in paris. for the times we talked in the luxembourg gardens, the time we danced on the champs. when we found the phone. thank you my buddies, my new family, my kindred spirits...this one is for you.

"we were together. i forget the rest" || walt whitman

BLUE DOOR

today we went to the chateau de vincennes. it actually turned out to be one of my favorite castles we visited because they had a dragon and a blue door.

i learned i only have two faces. smiling and this one ^^^

oohp there it is again

and then alex and i tried to take a cute jumping picture, but one hundred thirty pictures later we learned we aren't very good at it.  

^^^this one especially^^^

on friendship

i have had the great privilege to have many friends. some are only for a little while, and some are to stay. forever friends are the best kind of friends, and i had the great privilege of being with these people more often than not as of late.

sleepover

thursday i had a sleepover with one of my very favorite friends, joann! we met in french 201, and we have become the best of friends. we went to the movies and then had a sleepover where we were up alllll night taking hilarious pictures. i have perfected my "terrified" face just for these pictures right here.

from a letter

"I am always proud of you because you are a wonderful person and you love the gospel.  That is always enough for me to be proud of you."

sundays are the best days

sunday is my absolute favorite day of the week. 

every sunday morning i wake up early. amanda has to work from 5-12 every sunday morning, so it's just me. the sunshine is blinding through the window, and no one is awake. it's just me, myself, and my thoughts. maybe i'll read a little, maybe i'll write a little. 

the quiet in the sunshine. it's my favorite. 

and then i get ready for church, and dressing up fancy is one of my favorite things to do.

and then there's church, and who doesn't love church?

crazy people. only crazy people don't love church.

and then i get to come home, go to my family's house for dinner. and i always love that, because i love my family so much, and when we get together and talk, that's always the best. 

and then i come home, and amanda and i go to the park. 

oh, the park! there is a love affair that i have with the park that i don't think is ever going to go away. 

the minute i step out of the car, my shoes are off. no phones. no internet. just amanda and me and the park. and sometimes some dandelions to make wishes. 

with the cool grass between your toes, and the most wonderful and perfect wind blowing through your hair. even though the days are hot, the nights are cool and safe. we sit on the hill and get to watch the sun set every sunday night. we sit and talk about everything that we are afraid of and everything we love and are excited about. 

sitting on that hill, we are amazed and silent. and then we comment on how you can't just sit and look out at the pink sunset and the gray lake and see the pink lightening and not know. you can't feel the wind and see the world and the beauty and not know. you look out and know everything is true. you look out and know that there is something more and someone greater than you. and it's so comforting and wonderful. 

and that's why sundays are the best days. 

i couldn't help but smile

most of the time someone else can say it better than I can.

nailed it.

:(

...and she's gone. my best friend in the whole entire world is going into the mtc tomorrow, and i just said goodbye to her for a year and a half. this happy, happy thing shouldn't be so sad, but it is. :(

Florida {Part 2}: dunes and tunes

sorry it's taken a little while to get to part 2 but it's a super long post. I hope it's worth the wait!

[friday]

Friday started a little later than Thursday (the sun and beach and shopping really wear you down I guess) but we woke up to cloudy skies. We were worried we wouldn't be able to go to the beach, but we decided to test our luck. 

and we were a little tired, so we looked kinda rough...obviously...

we headed out a little bit better prepared than thursday and decided to go to Fort Walton Beach instead of Pensacola. Pensacola was fun and had some funny times and cute lifeguards, but there was hotels and a ton of people and lifeguards.... We drove about an hour and got a little lost which really shouldn't happen with a gps and a gps on your phone and were driving down a long strip of highway and saw cars pull off the side of the road by some sand dunes. We decided to check it out because we didn't really want to go to the "official" beaches that you pay for. We parked and walked a little ways past some beautiful sand dunes...

...and found a great beach: no lifeguards, only 7 other people, and the waves weren't high hazard! I wish we could've spent all day there! It was incredible! Walking on the beach, jumping in the water, finding shells, getting more sunburned...c'est la vie!

and of course, even though we are...cough cough *adults*...cough cough.... we HAD to make a sand castle. We were at the beach for heaven's sake! and I AM the queen and need a castle...

pretty sweet, I know. 

This is where we just pulled off the road, it seemed kinda sketchy at first, but it ended up being the best part of the trip!

we were really really really sad to leave the beach, but after 4 hours, it started raining and thundering.

after we went to the beach, we drove into Destin, which was literally 1 minute away from Fort Walton and we changed into our regular clothes. At that point, we were SO sunburned and it was quite uncomfortable to say the least. It was a little hilarious how much heat we were radiating. 

We went to the mall and did a little shopping (but not too much, I promise!)

We then went to one of those Waves stores that give you a headache just looking at them, you know the ones with 10000000000 tshirts in them?

And because I am the best sister in the world, I got tshirts for all of my siblings and then of course, one for me. Olivia got some sweats and a tshirt to wear on the drive home because we decided we wanted to be comfy since we were sunburned. 

Also in the store I found the perfect shirt for my dad. I should've gotten it!

(it says dads against daughters dating. shoot the first one and the word will spread) hahahahahahahaha

We had a little time to kill before dinner, and Olivia wanted to get a Build-a-Bear for her little sister, so we found one in this HUGE outdoor mall. 

[side note] It turned out to be the same mall that I went to last summer when I went to my Aunt and Uncle's house with a HUGE Bass Pro Shop and a big plastic great white shark that my dad stuck everyone's heads in. 

After we located the Build-a-Bear, we headed towards it, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something. 

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR

and the back door and the side door and the garage door and all the windows!

It was an actual FROCK CANDY STORE!

now, you probably don't think this is really exciting, but all my roommates will get it. I love this store and to think there was an actual physical store right next to me! Well, I had to get a picture. And go in. 

and it was magical! Definitely my new even more favorite store and I got a skirt for $7. Even better!

But back to Build-a-Bear, we were pretty much the oldest ones there by probably 10 years. Haha. The girl at the stuffing station looked at us kinda weird until we explained to her it was for a younger sibling. We then took a trip down memory lane and got to take one of the fabric hearts that you put in the bears and rub it on our foreheads for smarts, our cheeks for smiles, our noses for our favorite smells, and our bellies for our favorite foods. We then rubbed it to make it start "beating", made a wish my wish was that she will always follow her dreams no matter who tells her she can't or how scary they are, then kissed the little hearts before we put them inside the bear. It was actually really exciting.

After Olive Garden for dinner, we headed back home completely full, extremely sunburned, but soooooo happy!

We took showers then rented This Means War

and as Morgan told me her mother put it, the movie is "such a good movie; so inappropriate but so good" haha I couldn't put it any better myself. Plus I love Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine. Win win! Win win! (movie reference anyone?)

Friday night was pretty hilarious because we were so sunburned. Every time someone moved, or tried to move, you could hear the wincing of pain. (I know I sound awful laughing at Olivia's and my pain, but when you're both sunburned beyond belief it turns out being funny)

[saturday]

We seemed to have perfect timing. We woke up Saturday to pouring rain. It actually rained every day, but only in the afternoon when we went shopping AFTER we were at the beach! And after TONS of country music and tons of ocean air, we were really sad to leave. 

After breakfast and saying goodbye, we ran back and forth in and out of the pouring rain to load the car and headed out. It rained for probably half of the drive. 

The drive home consisted of:

All 3 Taylor Swift CD's (and us singing along to every single song) (we knew them all)

The entire One Direction CD, plus all of their live songs from the X-Factor

Lots of bathroom stops (like I said, we have a problem)

Lots of construction

Lots of chatting

Rolling down the windows on the Interstate (now that is an experience) (we're talking all the windows, music cranked, and the sun roof opened. talk about wind)

We found gas for $1.83 a gallon, but then we realized the gas station was closed...awkward...

I found cities in Alabama named Arkedelphia and Letohatchee, and those names are silly.

We finally got sunshine as the afternoon rolled around and made it home in about 7 hours. 

Even though we got rained out every day and super sunburned (now it's a weird neon pink/purple color...weird...) it was one of the most fun trips and we didn't feel like we missed out on anything. Beach in the morning, shopping in the afternoon. I could get used to that :)