THE OPPOSITE OF LONELINESS

(i apologize in advance for the over-use of commas because, as i have said many times before, i still don't know how to use them, and they are one of my favorite things to use)

about a year ago i found an essay called "the opposite of loneliness" by marina keegan. with a title like that, i had to read it. written by a girl who died tragically in a car crash five days after she graduated from yale, her words resonate in my mind every second that i am in paris. the opposite of loneliness. the opposite of loneliness. the opposite of loneliness...

"we don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, i could say that's what i want in life."

when people ask me what my favorite thing about paris is, i don't tell them a place or a food, i can only tell them, the people.

the feeling of togetherness, the love, the wholeness, the opposite of loneliness.

there is a camaraderie here. these people in my group, seventeen strangers thrown together, have become my best friends. they are my family in this foreign land. we have seen all sides of each other, we have laughed together, we have had hours of gospel conversation, we have told our secrets that we keep to ourselves because of how personal they are, and we know we will be loved no matter what.

we have experienced this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity together,we understand everything that we have been through and done here without having to say anything. and it's so hard to put into words what that means, but just know it is great. 

this is why they didn't go to italy. why she didn't go to london. why i got rejected four million times. to meet each other.

in keegan's essay, she describes it better than i ever could have,

"it's not quite love and it's not quite community; it's just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. who are on your team. when the check is paid and you stay at the table. when it's four a.m. and no one goes to bed. that night with the guitar. that night we can't remember. that time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. the hats."

i remember being afraid of coming to paris because i was worried that it wouldn't be everything that i dreamed it would, and thanks to my friends, this has been more than i ever thought it could be. every day is so full of pure joy. i don't think my little heart is big enough for all of this love.

there are so many people to thank here, but i owe it all to my fellow study abroaders. i have felt so unbelievably safe and loved every single day.

we don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but that's what i felt here in paris. for the times we talked in the luxembourg gardens, the time we danced on the champs. when we found the phone. thank you my buddies, my new family, my kindred spirits...this one is for you.

"we were together. i forget the rest" || walt whitman